you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
