I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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