Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
