one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
