Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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