Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
