Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize