Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
