I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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