Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
