I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
