final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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