This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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