there's paper in my vomit.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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