I wish my penis had an off switch
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize