I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
