Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
