why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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