you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
