i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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