Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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