benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
