2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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