WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
