i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
