pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I won't apologize to a one balled man
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Randomize
