I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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