Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
