Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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