i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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