I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
