god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
