she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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