The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
