It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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