I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize