Pregnant stripper...not hot.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Randomize
