Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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