Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize