wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
