if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
