smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
