have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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