corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
