how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
They have beer where we have blood.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
