I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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