She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
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