I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
