I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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