I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
