I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
