i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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