this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
he was CRYING into my vagina
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize