but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
