My Higher Power is John Stamos
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
