if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
