If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
