no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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