I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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