I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
