yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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