I wish I could punch you in the face.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
