I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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