apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize