you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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