I'm sorry my penis didn't work
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
