there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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