Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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