are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
