my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
