You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
