So many bounce houses so little time
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
We were destined to go to rehab together
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
