OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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